| He is the cheese to my macaroni | Apr. 16th, 2008 @ 07:12 am |
|---|
So now that me and seph are broken up, its weird. I didnt know what i was going to do with myself so i started smoking super bad, and is tarted getting drunk with robyn every weekend, then there was that time i had a breakdown.. but then i met chris, he seemed like such an amazing guy. and we decided to meet so i have him robyns address and he came by picked me up, bu it was annoying since all my friend and robyns crazy mom was outside with me, it was odd to be meeting someone from online again. but he was really nice, he put on my favorite ska song and we just talked, we headed to the mall and went around all the stores then we went to ihop for like three hours and just talked about things, well he did all the talking really. Then he took me home and i hugged him.. That hug told me so much... His strong arms just held me close to him and i rested my head on his chest.. I cant explain it.. i didnt want to let go i just wanted to stand in the street hugging him forever. it felt so nice...
THen saturday he took me out again, same thing he picked em up at robyns but this time he walks up to me and says " I need to get this out of the way.." and he places his hands upon my cheek and kisses me, the kiss was so soft and gentle... after that i giggled and we talked some then got in his car and he drove to where he lives and we went to this theater and got to see Juno, so we were cuddled up watching juno and laughing and quoting scenes and everyone in a while we would kiss or just stare at each other, but once the movie was over we made out for like 10 minutes Lol then i noticed that everyone else was gone so then we left. After that we just drove around then pared in a parking lot, put on some ska , went to sit in the backseat and we just cuddled and talked about music and the bands and their live shows, and we kissed , all that good stuff, then he asked me out... <3 of course i said yes, then we decided he needed to drop me off. but on the way back he got super tired and so we stayed the night, but we didnt get any sleep we were cuddling and talking and kissing.... Then i did something stupid that i really didnt want to do.. after laying in bed with him all i could do was think of seph and how much fun he was going to be having with sarah and how he wasnt even caring about me.. so i decided i was going to let chris fuck me... It was my way of getting over seph, letting another man claim me.. Then after all that we just layed in bed cuddling, its cute.. when he sleeps he snores really loud, it caught me off guard but then after a while it was relaxing.The next morning we woke nd we hung out with everyone for a while then we said goodbye and i watched him drive away.. I hate watching people i care about leave.
Those were our first to dates..
After these there were two more and then im going to see him agan tonight.
I love the fact that all my friends are so cool with him, like marical , he hates all the guys ive ever been with but him and chris talk constantly, marcial used too hate seph. now there okay.
My darling chris.. i miss you, I cant wait till tonight so i can jsut hold hands with you and talk about music. i love the fact that he has a two jobs and a car, i dont need to eb with him 24/7 but i know if i really needed him he could be here in about 30 minutes. But i feel bad becuase he waste so much money on gas just to see me. Oh well. I love when he makes those weird faces just randomly and when he decides to skank around robyns house. Oh i love the fact that hes bi! like we sit in the movie theater and talk about hot guys and how they would be hot gay lovers. i know he loves my body so when im with him im not nervous about my body, and since hes much taller and bigger then seph i feel comfortable with him, he ranges from 5'1 - 6'2 depending and how hes standing. Hes just such an amazing guy,, and hes such a sweetheart i love it
I think im going to have him my mom and me all go out for lunch this weekend.
but im not going to lie and say i dont miss seph.. i miss him alo, like yesterday i was sitting in my room and i smeled the faint aroma of cigarettes and i thought seh was here for some reason.. but he wasntCurrent Mood:  loved |
| | Mar. 25th, 2008 @ 07:20 am |
|---|
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe
lol wtf is that?
im so happy i could pee >.<
It happened....
-jumps up and down-
Shrapnel face and I are going out to coffee |
| goobye | Mar. 21st, 2008 @ 12:56 am |
|---|
our fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images
No
Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?
[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always doCurrent Mood:  crushed |
| | Mar. 2nd, 2008 @ 11:12 pm |
|---|
i dont know what hurts more, the physical pain or the emotional pain...
Ive hit rock bottom, and im trying to get up but theres a foot on my chest holding me down and another one on my throat so i cant speak |
| the space between a blink and a tear | Jan. 29th, 2008 @ 04:54 pm |
|---|
i feel so overwhelmed lately i dont know if its Paul living with us or something else but its making me super emotional, fuck cutting back on ciggs i just need to relieve some fucking stress id love to cut but most of my razors are dull and i dont need to hear everyone fucking bitching! im going to be spending a lot of time at I.G i know that for a fact, im just sooo. ARG i dont even know what im feeling its a mixture between wanting to cry and wanting to kill someone >.<
Fuck i need ti get the fuck out of riverside i wish i could just kick everyone out for like 4 days and just be alone so i can relax so i can blast music so i can can just watch tv on the couch and just not have to worry about everyone else >.<
im just really emotional becasue my period is coming back i think so every tiny thing really effects me and im still sick >.Current Mood:  drained |
| » Hollywood |
|---|
lately ive been really wanting to go to Hollywood im not sure what it is thats making me want to go, but i want to go really bad >.< it could be that its the place where i met seph and we've been together for about a month, or that i just need to get out but i really want to go for whatever reason. but i think it would be a fun trip to go with a few friends like Bryan and Melissa or Robyn you know? we could all bring money and split the gas and shit, i think it would be really fun ^_^
i just really want to get out and do something with my friends ^_^
Jan. 18th, 2008 @ 09:43 am
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
Yes!
i finally squeezed my as into those second pair of jeans! Fuck it was hard though >.<
They look good on my though so im happy
And i was looking under my bed for duct tape and i found an old ciggy box from sephy and a shook it and there was something in it and when i opened it was a ciggy that was half smoked ^_^ sweet! that makes me happy <33
So far its a good day except i called sephy to wake him up but he went back to sleep >.< i dont know why he wanted me to wake him up but oh well >.<
These pants are hella nice but im trying to stretch them out cuz there tight on my hips and thighs >.< Curse you curvy body! its funny thought cuz when i sit down theres this big gap cuz my ass is big and my stomach is a bit smaller so theres a gap between my ants and my back but whatever almost all my pants are like that
So not much going on here >.>
i finished all my school work for the day and my attendance so i can just relax and do whatever, so far a good start on the day
im kinda bummed that ive finished All my books i have >.< i hate reading books over again cuz i already know whats gonna happen you know?
Im hungry but i dont really want to eat >.< theres nothing really to eat except oatmeal but i dont want to eat it because its my breakfast.. Ugh im bored
i didnt much sleep last night cuz my arm and hand hurt so bad i finally went to sleep around one then around 4 sephy called me and we talked then i couldn't get back to sleep, restless sleep sucks
Jan. 7th, 2008 @ 11:52 am
|
| » New years resolutions |
|---|
1.) To stay at my recent weight or to lose a few pounds, doesn't matter if its 1 pound or 20 anything is better than nothing
2.) Be more social >.< This is a hella hard one for me because i hate people with a passion and im hella shy. This means talking to new people and my old friends.
3.) be a little more organized and keep all my shit clean, im a hella slob but its getting a little bit better >.> well not really but im trying at least!
Hmm i think thats about it really, im sure theres other things but i cant think of anything, my thumb is on fire from bleach! OMG >.< it fucking burns!!!!
Jan. 6th, 2008 @ 10:07 am
|
| » if looks could kill... |
|---|
today after i dropped seph off me and my mother went to vons to buy a few things we needed, and out of the corner of my eye i saw the most beautiful man i had ever seen, its very rare that i find a man i find beautiful, as i was staring at him he looked my way and shot me a small faint smile, and i almost pee'd myself, its like he was of Fae birth not even human, if edward cullen was a living breathing person i would have meet him here tonight. i cant even explain it. i was so intimidated by him i had to loook away you know? ic ant explain it >.< but anyways!
i have a huge thing of ice cream!
Jan. 3rd, 2008 @ 10:47 pm
|
| » gifts |
|---|
so since im bored i deicded to look for odd yet cute gifts and i found this awesome website you can tell them what the occasion is, if its a guy or girl and age and they give you a huge slection of cute thoughtful gifts, they are all so adorable! ^_^
www.findgift.com or something like that
all these gifts are hella cute there so many i want to get for seph and myself ^_^
Jan. 3rd, 2008 @ 11:34 am
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
Curse you books, must you do this to me every time? ive fallen in love with Edward cullen from Twilight its horrible... when ir ead a book i really like i get sucked into it, i cant put the book down and it appears in my mind like a vivid movie but instead im the girl in the story. another thing is when i read vampire books i sometimes get put into a turned on and sadistic mood, which can be good or bad...
Dec. 31st, 2007 @ 04:47 pm
|
| » sad |
|---|
im finally back and no one wants to talk or hang out with me >.< not even sephy >.
Dec. 31st, 2007 @ 04:03 pm
|
| » packing my bags |
|---|
So tomorrow morning me my brother, my mom and ash are leaving for Sac for about 4 days or something like that, its going to be the longest time me and sephy have been away since he moved out here on out 6 months. -gasp- im sure i can survive it, im just nervous that something might happen while im gone you know? i dont want him to meet some other girl, but it rust him 100 percent.
Yesterday was Christmas and i didnt tell anyone i wanted anything, but i ended up with a lot of things i love, Everything seph got me was perfect they were all things i wanted but never told anyone about, i was so happy with the gifts ^_^ he got me the books i wanted, a really awesome transformer pillow, a cool coffee mug with the caffeine molecule thingy on it, the D20 necklace ive wanted FOREVER and i think thats it from him im not sure, my mom got me, 2 pairs of jeans, silk red pj's, a nice warm coat, a blanket, cute Christmas sock, lotions, movie tickets, a shirt and a plaid blanket, then danny got me a 10 dollar gift card for Hottopic, and a Potc shirt thats too big on me but its still nice then my crazy g-ma got me a 25 dollar gift card for sally's beauty store and some weird wrap around ear rings. I got sephy a pair of heavy duty gloves, a black beanie, some new axe , Metalocaplyse season 1 and final fantasy tactics for the psp and my mom got him a blanket with his initials on it. i hope he liked the stuff we got him, i LOVE the stuff he got me ^_^
Sephy spent the night on Xmas eve it was nice being able to not worry about when he goes home, we just cuddled most of the night then he had to go i the front room so i watched tv for 2 hours and went to sleep around 2 then sephy came into my room around 6 and woke me up, he layed down next time and we cuddled for like an hour, i love when seph comes over uber early and just wakes me up, i love it!
Basically this Christmas was amazing everything was good so im happy, and it was mine and sephy's first Christmas together ^_^
But as i started out saying,im going to sac for a few days so i wont have any internet or my sephy with me, but it will only be for a few days and while im gone hes going to L.A to see his family and Davion which im happy about because he never sees them anymore and i eel bad about it you know?
So right now im doing my laundry then im going to take a shower and pack up my clothes and ut aside the stuff im bringing to sac with me, then i will be all ready.
Dec. 26th, 2007 @ 11:01 am
|
| » Hmmmm |
|---|
Curse You Best Buy
>.< why must you send packages late!
Im sad because sephy's gift wont be here Christmas and i feel bad now
>.< i hope he doesn't mind >.<
But im glad i got him some gifts for his stocking.
And im hella happy he gets to spend the night im looking forward to being able to wake him up and open gifts and cuddle with him, i cant wait till we have our own place and get to be able to just cuddle <3>4
Oh and today i got macs gift he got me a cool web cam .. but i dont really want it >.< and i look ugly on it, but i like being able to take videos of sephy and me ^_^
Dec. 22nd, 2007 @ 08:18 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
im so happy i finally have all my gifts done, me and my mom are ordering sephs gift tonight then were gonna pick it up at the place and the it will be all done then all i have left is to do stuff for his stocking ^_^ Yay im happy ^_^
my thigh is numb and its hella annoying, seph is sleeping, i am bored >.< and hella thirsty theres nothing to drink in my house so tonight me and my mom are going to the store to get some things
Dec. 19th, 2007 @ 07:17 pm
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
ive had a really bad day but this made it a little better
Hehe ^_^ yeah thats gonna be awesome, well im leaving soon ill be back around 9 >.< i really hope i dont run into michael that would be weird >.> well if i do oh well
Dec. 14th, 2007 @ 04:38 pm
|
| » Shopping almost over |
|---|
Sephs stalking is almost done i just need to sew the other thing on it.
I got my mom the plants
i got danny a book that i know he will love
and i got ash 2 books
Now i just need to go to the mall and get sephys thing and some stocking stuffer's and candy Then ill be all done and all that will be left is to wrap everything ^_^
I feel accomplished ^_^
if i have enough money afterwards i might even be able to get sephy a ******* ******** ****** ^_^ and i know he will love that ^_6 and my mom got him *** ****** ****** **** *** ******** ** ** ^_^ im pretty sure hell like it im also thinking about getting him *** ******* ** *** ******
Dec. 11th, 2007 @ 08:23 am
|
| » a little less stress |
|---|
so i dont have that much money for Christmas, so gifts wont be that great, ive got a few things for seph planned out, me and my mom are going to go to the mall next week, im not sure what to get my mom but ill probably get her a book and the same with danny and ash ill get her some random toy. im not getting gregg anything or his kids anything. i decided to make seph a stocking so ill go buy one and fill it with some candy and a few small little gifts.im not sure if he will be in rhe or L.A but wherever he goes he will still have gifts here and a stocking ^_^ since i dont have alot of money people are mainly getting small gifts.
Today we went out to breakfast and it was nice my mom surprised me with a gift, she got me a yummy candy and two movie tickets, so it was a really nice surprise then we wont to the mall and she amde me find christmas gifts for myself >.< which was lame then we came home me and seph had a smoke and then we relaxed and then had a 3 hour nap etc.. so basically today was a good day.
Dec. 8th, 2007 @ 08:57 pm
|
| » stupid holidays |
|---|
Stressed out!
im stressing about Christmas, and Josephs birthday and our one year anniversary, I have things picked out that i really want to get him but i have no money if i dont spend anymore money and save till Christmas i will have 45 dollars.. for everyone, and the main gift i want to get seph is 40 dollars, i really hate the fact i dont have any money to get him what he wants and deserver's it really sucks, i know im not going to be able to get in time for Christmas but im still trying, i dont know what im going to do for everyones gifts ill most likely have to go shoplifting again,, but i dont want to be arrested again >.< this really sucks, i have a little time to save for his birthday and our anniversary at least. But im basically fucked for Christmas >.
Dec. 5th, 2007 @ 01:33 pm
|
| » Goodbye, my almost lover |
|---|
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, ever forget
These images
Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?
[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
Nov. 28th, 2007 @ 07:49 pm
|
|
|
